Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A Million Little Pieces

It took 31 years to scatter them. High and low, under and over, and sometimes around. Some in the darkest places in the universe, and others down the toilet. Pieces lie in the sunshine, curling under the drying morning dew. Others lie broken, ground under heels into the cracks in the pavement. I feared that some were certainly lost forever.
It took 16 months to gather them all. To sit quietly, thoughtfully, and purposefully fit them together. Some snapped in place immediately, some needed coaxing to nestle into the next, work we poured over together in whispers.
When I needed another try, you patiently dropped another piece into the palm of my hand with a smile. Some reassurance. Some love. When I needed a break you pushed our work aside and just held me while I trembled. When I grew afraid you propped me up, and gently turned my face to the image. To see what you saw, and not the yesterdays.
But when I looked up from my work, you had gone. I didn't know it, but the hourglass had run out. All I had left was this outline of me, a big hole where my heart should be. Those pieces are missing.
You had them in your pocket...

Monday, March 19, 2012

Where To Find Myself

I've been sitting here in the sunshine. The music plays in the background, the words parade across the page, but my heart is elsewhere.
Despite the warmth of the sun on my cheek, I don't feel real. It feels burnt and somehow, decidedly not mine. Not anyone's.
The breeze blows shadows across the walls and they remind me of memories I have lost. Objects just out of my periphery, taunting me with their impossible closeness. Their darkness. My losses.
Voices seem hollow, missing the notes that mean something. Missing the life, the joy, the love I once found hidden in their richness. Paper thin.
I am lost somewhere in my head, in the dusty corners with no windows. It is suffocating and old, the stench of decay for the things I have forgotten overpowering. And though I reach for it, no hand closes around mine.
Where are the colours?