Monday, July 7, 2008

Anywhere but Here... ~ May 2006

Sometimes.. you find yourself lost in life.. grayed out.. feeling almost like a shadow. It's funny how disposable you become, only visible at certain times of the day.. shorter, longer.. waxing and waning at the mercy of the Sun. Whats funny is that life plays tricks on you... just as you seem to fall into a comfortable pattern in grayscale.. she throws you a twist and shakes you to the soul. She'll send you something wonderful.. something that infuses colour and suddenly blows wind into; you popping the shadows into 3D. It coaxes you from the rabbit hole.. falsely encouraging and seemingly trustworthy. Humanity makes you take the bait.. stick your toe in the water, and sure - it feels warm! She uses strong bait - happiness - and takes a long time to close her traps on you. And for those of you who don't know - it's teeth are biting. Rusted and gnashing, it's teeth are dipped in the most potent poison - despair.
THAT is the moment. That moment when it courses through your veins and freezes all it touches inside you that you realise that grayscale is much kinder. Like a cancer, despair corrodes all the good, all the warmth.. all the emotion hidden inside and leaves you black and decayed. Like an addict you continuously chase the high, chase the smell of the breeze and the warmth of the sun and the rose tinted world you ventured into...
I'm pretty sure I dropped my rose coloured glasses. I believe that caught in the whirlwind of life and blinded by the sun I accidentally set them down on the bench beside me before I was swept up to the next moment by that fragrant breeze. To be certain, someone else has picked them up and is currently living the bait - enjoying the beauty and forgetting the shadows. Should have smashed them when I had the chance.

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