Monday, July 7, 2008

Spring Cleaning ~ April 2006

ACK! Here I am. Some of you have been complaining that I don't blog anymore.. and I haven't uploaded new pics.. so.. done.. and DONE! Now you can all track my life.. and how I'm wasting it.. lol. You know who you are!
Spring cleaning around MSN lately.. deleting those who I no longer talk to... know.. or can remember. You know, I am admittedly a pack rat.. and always think that I will need EVERYTHING I own at some point, so I pack it away somewhere where it never gets used. Then situations come up.. like moving to London, where I dispatch of so many things that I don't need.. and probably have never needed. I seem to do the same with MSN. I have names of people that I barely knew, ten years ago, and they never come online, yet I can't delete them. My finger hovers over the button and I panic and think.. but what if I need to talk to them? How much of our lives are regulated by this pack rat-edness? Do I still have friends that I should have dispatched years ago? How many msn lists does my name grace?
For me, life has been nothing but a series of life-changing experiences. I can't say that life stands still, although as I look at my children I wish it would. Every so often, I turn and look at them and wonder... when did they grow up? I find the need to return to the baby pictures and become so surprised at how small they once were. Why do memories pile up on each other instead of side by side? It would seem that one simply overlays the next until the real image of the first is distorted. I look around at my friends, my children, my mirror image and it seems that they have always looked this way. Gone are the memories of change.. vapours. Why don't our memories pack rat in the same manner, compartmentalizing each set of distinct memories until we need them again?
It makes me wonder, do we need the memories we accumulate? Or is it fair to say that the important ones remain lodged somewhere deep inside, recalled in a moment of tranquility for us to roam a terrain we are no longer familiar with. These memories are like haze, something we stand in but can't quite seem to "see" except in the fringes of our minds. Do we have mental spring cleaning?
My life has taken another turn this year, coming to London... to throw my hat in the university ring. But it would seem just yesterday that I was a scared, crying girl wishing never to have extended myself this far, when really... the year is over. When did I become comfortable with it? Now, life seems to superimpose over my life back home... blended to be one when I never recorded the degrees of change. No longer is it one life there and a separate one here.. but one total life, with fringes of home. Further, when did I change?

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